Thursday, September 14, 2006
So, today CC and i are supposed to be closing on the house we are buying. I say supposed to close b/c it may or may not happen. There is some paperwork that our insurance company has to get in and they are kinda dragging their heels on it a bit. I think that I could get a bit frustrated by this, but surprisingly enough I'm not.
We have been looking forward to this date with a good amount of anticipation and nervousness....just hoping it would come and we would make it through the process relatively painlessly. Now that it is here, it is probably getting postponed until tomorrow or Monday. What a let down. But isn't that so like life? We put a lot of thought, hope, worry, fear, and stress into things and they never seem to turn out like we expected them to. There is always a twist in the plot... a last minute change that has the ability to knock you off balance and throw you for a loop.
Most days i am really cool with that.... It keeps life interesting. Today however, I am really not in the mood for it. Maybe it's because this little twist involves a hundred thousand dollar investment, maybe it's because this hundred thousand dollar investment is my home, maybe. That said, I'm not too stressed about it. I know it will all work out and the Lord is in control of the situation. My God is a lot bigger than my weak expectations of how I would like things to work out.
That's really it I think. I need to not expect things to work out when they are supposed to.... kill the part of me that hopes in events and circumstances. They are fickle and fleeting and so very shifty. They are never constant or consistent. I know in my heart that true surrender to God's will breeds the notion that the only thing worthy of putting hope in is God's divine plan....which is sometimes revealed, but often vague or completely hidden. I used to live like this more, but responsibility and a life of running things tends to suffocate a simple openness to God's will....especially when his will contradicts what we want or expect. I have got to die to my will. Even in stupid things like delayed closings and postponed plans.